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  • 3rd day of this nightmare

    Good morning all. I hope that this post reaches those of you who are going through what I am going through and what I have gone through. I am on day 3 of opiate withdrawal. Its is definately better than days one and two. Day one was bad but day two was hell. Absolute hell. Going from cold to hot to not being able to get out of bed. The only time I left bed was to take a hot steamy shower. And to sit on the toilet. The diarrhea is no joke.

    My story: I broke my leg about 16 years ago. The dr had me on Percs for 8 months. And I got hooked. When he cut me off I kind of went through withdrawals but I wasn't smart enough to know that that's what that was. I drove down to Mexico to buy them for a while before I realized that I could not afford that. I was only 20 years old And didn't make that kind of money. So I stopped. Now fast forward to 2 years ago. My father in law is hooked on painkillers. He was out so he was sick. I told him that I'd make a call and I got him some. Well that's where this latest roller coaster began. Once I knew I could get them and how easy it was to get them I started buying them for myself regularly. The difference this time around is that I have enough money to buy whatever I need. That's where it gets dangerous. I started by taking 1 10mg hydro once a day EVERY DAY. THEN I'd take one in the morning and one in the afternoon. You know because it made work fun. It made doing all of the tedious duties fun. Because I was high. Because j deserved it. Because I was a hard working man and hard working father. Heck yeah I deserved to reward myself. So fast forward to a year later. Now I'm taking 20 mg of hydro for breakfast and then for lunch. Looking at the clock waiting for the exact moment that I could take another dose so I could feel normal again. Then at night time I'd take 40 mg. Well guess what? I could not get enough. So 6 months ago I started buying oxy 20's and 30's. I told myself these things are so good for you. You have stopped drinking. You are a happier more pleasant person when you are on them. They have made you better and happier. They are good for you. So now I'm on this dangerous cocktail of 30 mg of hydro to get out of bed. Then 30 mg of oxy for lunch and 60 mg of oxy for dinner. Yum right? Wrong. I had become a pig. A disgusting pig. I reached out to one of my connects one day to get more... because now it's a full time job driving around the city to meet people and get more. He told me that he was quitting. And then he went through it. Boy did he go through it. I was there for him every step of the way. It made me realize that I needed to do it. That I was next. But I was too scared. I was using 30 mg's of Hydro and 90 mg's of oxy per day. So I made th choice to do it. I planned the day that it would be done. FRIDAY SEPT 16th. So I did it. Cold turkey. I tried to tapper down but the fact is that I didn't have the will power to tapper. I just kept taking more because I couldn't get high. Well here I am on day 3. I'm alive. I feel like poop but I'm alive with no regrets about my decision.

    Day one and two were very similar although day 2 was a little bit worse. the sleepless nights are tough. But the way that I see it is like this the sweat leaving my body the diarrhea leaving my body and the pain that I feel are all an important part of this process. It's the devil leaving my body. I have chosen to remove this toxin and it doesn't want to go. I MUST be strong. Although on day 2 I almost broke. I searched my vehicle and my bags for a pill that I hoped I had dropped. Thank goodness there were no pills to be found. I would've taken them. I flushed them all down the toilet on Friday September 16th.

    So here I am on day 3. I woke this morning to my stomach growling. Wow. I was hungry. I haven't been hungry in 2 days. My mouth feels very good. The pills dried my mouth out so bad. That is gone. My head is cloudy and I want to sleep. But I still can't sleep. Im still too anxious to sleep. I have no energy to move. But with every breath I take I feel my body getting stronger. I went outside this morning to feel the sun on my face. Boy... I haven't felt the sun like that in years. 2 years to be exact. The color of the leaves is more vibrant. I'm happy to be alive. I have cried a lot over he last two days. I have broken emotionally several times but I have not given in to the little pills that caused all of this. As I type this it is still a secret from my wife, parents and children. Only two of my very close friends know what I am going through. I wouldn't recommend doing it this way. You will need a support system and doing it like this is tough. I faked the flu.


    I'm very excited to share my story. I'm sorry that it is long. I hope that my story touches some of you as MANY of these stories in here have touched and inspired me. I'm very proud of all of you who have gone through this or who are going through this. Blessings friends. I plan on checking in regularly to communicate with those of you who wish to communicate with me.

  • #2
    Perfect! You'll receive more responses here. I'll paste my reply to you from the other thread here to keep it in one place. Just let ther other thread disappear and stick with this one.

    Hello, and welcome to the forum. We're glad you're here!

    CONGRATULATIONS for putting an end to the madness. I've certainly been in your shoes, as has most everyone here. My job on a daily basis for nearly 19 years was where to fing drugs, how to pay for them, and how could I possibly get enough to keep from running out, which I always did of course. It's such a sad story. It robbed me of life. Took my soul from me. I ended up on Suboxone which literally saved my life. I tapered from that and now have over 2 years clean. It's AMAZING!!! And YES, you can certainly do it too!!!

    Getting out, getting free of the bonds of addiction is the very best gift you could ever give yourself. The feeling of waking up each morning and never having to worry about pills or other addictive substances again is PRICELESS. And each day you don't use will only get better and better and better. You've noticed a little of that already. Wonderful isn't it?

    Get as much exercise as you possibly can to help produce those endorphins. Drink plenty of fluids, es[ecially water to flush those toxins out faster, and to keep you hydrated. A little TIME makes all the difference.

    Thanks for sharing your story. Stick around, you'll love it here!!!

    Randy

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    • #3
      I'm on day 4 of this nightmare. Even though I am not communicating with any one directly I see that my post has been read. That makes me happy. I feel like it is important to use this thread as a journal about my journey... In hopes that It'll help those of you who are going through this with me. As a matter of fact writing here and being here with you all is one of the only things that makes me feel good. I woke this morning feeling very emotional. My body feels okay. I slept decent last night. I took Ambien to help me sleep. I plan on taking the Ambien for another 2 nights. I do not want another addiction to have to deal with. There is definitely a fog in my head. One that I can not shake. It's really frustrating. I want to be back to normal but I understand that this journey will take a little bit of time. Are any of you on day 4? I'm looking forward to my sex drive coming back... my sense of smell that I never realized was so dull. I feel so much shame and guilt. The hardest part about all of this is not sharing my reality with my wife. The flu is going around like crazy so it's not hard to believe that's what I have. I check back every couple of hours to see what's new here. I'm obsessed with getting through this process and learning every thing I can about it.

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      • #4
        Hi, I am just one day behind you. I relate to so much of what u are saying. So let's keep it up. I look forward to following your journey. Congrats, you should be proud of the steps u are taking to make you a better version of you.

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        • #5
          Congrats to both of you!! Listen to what Randy has to say; that guy's a life saver! He helped me get off, with many others on this forum through my maddening 9 years on subs and 2 on opiates. I'm now on day 47 SOBER!

          Life gets better again, a lot better!
          I still have some pit sweat, and some anxiety, but I always had those things, and sub wd lasts so so much longer than oxy wd. I'm proud of you for not hopping on the sub train!

          You're through the worst now, and it should only get better from here. Sometimes it feels like the days are longer, which when you start feeling better, you'll be thankful for. I sometimes wish I could speed forward to the 3 or 6 month mark, but then I realize, I need to enjoy every minute I'm alive. It's like being born again in a weird sense. You come out of that fog, shaking, pooping and crying like a newborn baby. Then you cry less and less. Then you start laughing, and smiling again. And sleeping again. Working again etc.

          I still feel days when I get pretty anxious and slightly moody. So I ask myself, "when was the last time I went for a bike ride or jog, or hit the gym?" It's usually been a couple days without exercise at this point, so I force myself to get up a little earlier before work and get some exercise in. I feel great the rest of the day and I sleep much better too!

          The sooner you get to exercising, the better you'll start feeling again!! I'm not saying this as a health nut, but as a recovering addict that wants his brain to heal. It does help a little when the roommate, boss, or chicks say stuff like "you look like an Olympian now!" Or "you're getting bigger, man, you been working out?" But that's not why I do it. It's for those endorphins, lol.

          Good luck on your journey! If you can do this, you can do anything you want!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you

            Thank you for replying to me SunShynne. This is what I need right now. I need to hear from people like you... like me. People who ae going through it. I really need the support. Today I have cried more than most. I'm not sure why... maybe because I came clean and shared the story with my aunt who is also hooked on Oxy. I bared my soul and I cried... A LOT. I also ate today.. HUGE accomplishment! Because while I felt hungry I didn't have an appetite. That helped with my energy level. I just took a vitamin B12... I'm hoping it doesn't upset my stomach or make me feel jittery. I'll let you know how that goes.

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            • #7
              Thank you for replying Madbotanist. Thank you for all of the advice. It is needed and will be taken into account. Today was a scary day for me. I had my aunt call my "Connect" and ask them to not call me at all. I was afraid that if I heard their voice I would break. I went for a walk down to the river and I ate today. Things I haven't done in, well.... 4 days. I plan on making exercise a regular part of my day. Right now I am just trying to get through this dark place I am in. It's a little bit hard to do this in secret.

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              • #8
                Just made an account so I could post to your thread.
                I am on day 5 of a terrible Wd. Worst ever, and cold turkey just like you. In fact that is why I am posting. Your post reminded me, of me. Although, I have quit a half dozen times before, I am more determined than I ever have been to make this one "stick". Because this nightmarish state I have been in has caused some binge reading, I have finally realized that these are the days I do not fail. It's usually a few months in, where I fail. Damn depressing to think about, but that is usually where I get frustrated and start dipping back into one here, one there.

                I get worn down, and think I should be over all my "bad days". I am not doing that this time, nope, f that. I will make the lifestyle changes needed. I will not ever go back. I know there will be cravings after a tough couple of days, or weeks, or whatever, but I am going to make it stick this time.

                Anyway, today was where I finally saw the morning dawn break, felt some sunshine, and actually felt happiness in a long time. I wish you a well day, and hopefully a peaceful night of rest, ( I really hope to get some tonight) I also hope both of us can re-read this in the future and smile!

                Thank you for posting, you helped me see through and find a bit of happiness today.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you etxday5

                  Originally posted by etxday5 View Post
                  Just made an account so I could post to your thread.
                  I am on day 5 of a terrible Wd. Worst ever, and cold turkey just like you. In fact that is why I am posting. Your post reminded me, of me. Although, I have quit a half dozen times before, I am more determined than I ever have been to make this one "stick". Because this nightmarish state I have been in has caused some binge reading, I have finally realized that these are the days I do not fail. It's usually a few months in, where I fail. Damn depressing to think about, but that is usually where I get frustrated and start dipping back into one here, one there.

                  I get worn down, and think I should be over all my "bad days". I am not doing that this time, nope, f that. I will make the lifestyle changes needed. I will not ever go back. I know there will be cravings after a tough couple of days, or weeks, or whatever, but I am going to make it stick this time.

                  Anyway, today was where I finally saw the morning dawn break, felt some sunshine, and actually felt happiness in a long time. I wish you a well day, and hopefully a peaceful night of rest, ( I really hope to get some tonight) I also hope both of us can re-read this in the future and smile!

                  Thank you for posting, you helped me see through and find a bit of happiness today.

                  etxday5 - Wow your post here makes my day. I mean it makes my day. And what a roller coaster today has been. I reached out to all of my normal suppliers today and told them not to sell to me under any circumstances. I am glad that they all agreed and were surprisingly sympathetic. I'm trying to slam the door shut to the gateway to get more. Tomorrow I will need to come clean with my dr. Thank you for posting here. I also look forward to the day that we both look back on this thread and smile... and say... what a journey.

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                  • #10
                    Day 5 Journal entry - Good morning every one! How are you doing? What day are you on? I am on day 5 today. Wow day 5. When I started reading the forum I hadn't even taken the plunge. I was jealous of those on day 5. Now I am here. It was worth it! Each day has gotten better since day 2. I haven't been able to sleep very much. I woke at 2:45 this morning and I was never able to go back to sleep. I have been reading all of the positive posts here on this site and it helps... A LOT. I have a great attitude even though I only got a few hours of sleep. I am feeling hopeful. I woke today with a full agenda to keep me busy. Today will be my first full day back in the office. My symptoms so far: Sneezing, Runny nose, RLS is subsiding a lot but still there. Not nearly as bad as it was. Insomnia is in full effect, I still have very low energy... but now its time to FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT, Thank god I do not have any cravings. The hell I have been through makes even the thought of a pill sickening. I am very proud of where I am at and being able to stomach (pun intended) the journey to get here. Really the hardest scariest part is making the decision to jump... to just do it. For me Cold Turkey was the best way to just get on with it. Not one second goes by that I regret my decision. I feel better than I have felt since I started the process... Oh... I finally ate a normal dinner last night. I don't think I can eat any more chicken noodle soup. Blessings to you all friends.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Day2_Nightmare View Post
                      etxday5 - Wow your post here makes my day. I mean it makes my day. And what a roller coaster today has been. I reached out to all of my normal suppliers today and told them not to sell to me under any circumstances. I am glad that they all agreed and were surprisingly sympathetic. I'm trying to slam the door shut to the gateway to get more. Tomorrow I will need to come clean with my dr. Thank you for posting here. I also look forward to the day that we both look back on this thread and smile... and say... what a journey.

                      Good Morning!

                      Great job on notifying suppliers that you're done. That's a big step. I did the same. But guess what - I deleted all my contacts, but realized I had memorized many of their numbers. And even though I informed all of them to never sell to me again, they still kept trying. Why - because I was an easy sell. And they knew I had plenty of cash to give them. That's why I lost everything I owned. Only when I told them that the police were watching me did they stop completely. I bet you'll still receive notice when one of them has something to sell. Coming clean to your doctor is another huge step. And you'll feel so relieved when you do as I was when I informed mine.

                      CONGRATULATIONS on day 5!!! That's a miracle isn't it? A single day clean is a miracle for nay addict. All your symptoms are completely normal. Each day gets better and better. Do the thinggs you read about here the most - Lots and lots of exercise. You don;t have to run a marathon, just some walking, biking, swimming, etc will make you feel wonderful. Eating or drinking extra protein will provide some energy. I still to this day make my own protein skakes each morning before heading to work. Keeps me active all day long. And drink lots of fluids, especially water. And don't sit aroiund watching the clocks. Get out and do something, anything to get your endorphins moving.

                      You are doing so well and I'm very proud of you!!

                      Randy

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Randy - Thank you! I stayed fairly busy yesterday. Fortunately I am not smart enough to remember phone numbers... BUT... I do know where they all live. The temptation will always be there. I just need to have mental toughness at this point. I would be devastated if I went back. Your posts are very inspiring, upbeat, encouraging and helpful. For that I can not thank you enough. You were the first to respond to me... Thank you

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Randy35 View Post
                          Good Morning!

                          Great job on notifying suppliers that you're done. That's a big step. I did the same. But guess what - I deleted all my contacts, but realized I had memorized many of their numbers. And even though I informed all of them to never sell to me again, they still kept trying. Why - because I was an easy sell. And they knew I had plenty of cash to give them. That's why I lost everything I owned. Only when I told them that the police were watching me did they stop completely. I bet you'll still receive notice when one of them has something to sell. Coming clean to your doctor is another huge step. And you'll feel so relieved when you do as I was when I informed mine.

                          CONGRATULATIONS on day 5!!! That's a miracle isn't it? A single day clean is a miracle for nay addict. All your symptoms are completely normal. Each day gets better and better. Do the thinggs you read about here the most - Lots and lots of exercise. You don;t have to run a marathon, just some walking, biking, swimming, etc will make you feel wonderful. Eating or drinking extra protein will provide some energy. I still to this day make my own protein skakes each morning before heading to work. Keeps me active all day long. And drink lots of fluids, especially water. And don't sit aroiund watching the clocks. Get out and do something, anything to get your endorphins moving.

                          You are doing so well and I'm very proud of you!!

                          Randy
                          Good morning everyone. Glad to read you liked my post!
                          Day 6 has started off even better than day 5 (didn't sleep much though....). I have already made a point this morning, like y'all suggested and did, to break off my contact and let them know I have quit. I have done this before, deleting helped too. But I know at some point they will come back to try to sell. I also was an easy sell. HA! It all seems so foolish now, ah what a feeling it was kindly say f you. Working on a plan to say NO this time, as it seems like they call or txt at just the right time....

                          I know that these days are not the hard days, so that keeps me motivated. The hard days are when the new days of sobriety wear off and I have slipped back into a normal routine. I don't want that to happen, I want to stay in this new wonderful world. So I have started on a plan to change ME. I wish to change myself so that I can stay in the moment. I got into work early today and made the coffee, wow. My sense of smell is coming back and I found myself watching the coffee pot brew. I smiled for the longest time in a while at this.

                          Thank you everyone for keeping up with the thread, I made a point to not get onto the computer when I couldn't sleep last night. I wanted to save the moment for when I got into work, made some coffee, and well, here we are!

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                          • #14
                            FYI, I think it's was a bit too early to actually drink the coffee. Make it, that was nice.
                            Drinking just one cup has my palms/pitts sweating like I have never experienced before...just another weird symptom. Even my dang feet are sweating, Ha! I guess it means I am changing. Pretty strange though as my mood seems normal, physically I feel anxious. Compared to the sleepless nights of these past days, this is nothing! Just wanted to comment about it.

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                            • #15
                              Congratulations!! Just reading the first cpl of lines made me smile. Day 4 here...feeling good. Slept most of the night. It appears your emotions are doing much better!! Proud of you, and in case no one told u this today...You're an amazing person, for making changes to better your life.

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