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  • Originally posted by walck View Post
    Today is Thursday and I feel great. totally back to normal if I can remember even what that felt like. have no symptoms. I am not taking any drugs today. No need to be in a stupor. Going to get dressed and go out! it is over for me and I cannot believe it. part of it was having a most wonderful understanding doctor who really talked and listened to me. Good luck to everyone out there. geto ff when you can. You will feel so much better.
    WOW... ty ty ty for the post. You have lessen my fear by 10 fold. THis also pisses me off since now what excuses can I come up with why I am dragging this out to face the wd. Instead I chose to lessen my dose and be in wd, lessen my dose and be in wd again. Hell, I am even slighly younger then you (I think).. that takes that excuse.

    GOD bless you Carol...... you have done it. Now your drug free and no need to dose to sleep or get up... how wonderful.

    Sister

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    • Seriously sister- I cried for a week getting ready for it. I was so frightened. The key is the drugs for the first few days to make you sleep thru it. I wasted all that good energy worrying about it and being so frightened. I still do have some diarehea but nothing I can't handle but no PAWS for sure although i was only on it for about 3 months. Just DO IT! I gave my bottle of pills to my doctor when he gave me the other stuff so that I could not change my mind if it was horrible. I was determined to see it thru. Good luck and if I can beo f any help let mek now for sure. Carol

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      • Originally posted by walck View Post
        Seriously sister- I cried for a week getting ready for it. I was so frightened. The key is the drugs for the first few days to make you sleep thru it. I wasted all that good energy worrying about it and being so frightened. I still do have some diarehea but nothing I can't handle but no PAWS for sure although i was only on it for about 3 months. Just DO IT! I gave my bottle of pills to my doctor when he gave me the other stuff so that I could not change my mind if it was horrible. I was determined to see it thru. Good luck and if I can beo f any help let mek now for sure. Carol

        thanks sweetie...... so proud of you. What dose of Klonapin did you take? I have an appointment with my neuro doc next week and may try that route. He admits he knows nothing about sub and just is wishing me luck. I also know he will give me anything I ask for Barr an opiate now, finally now. That took some convincing on my part to him. He is so sweet and hates that anyone has to suffer anything.

        PAWS..... don't even worry or think about that. If it does happen its a sure fire sign that your brain is healing.

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        • sister-one thing I forgot, insomnia. Can you stand it. Don't know how long that will last. The days are so great but last night was UGH! ended up over medicating and getting sick. An ambien, 2 ativan and then at 3am 2 simply sleep. Have no idea when I went to sleep finally but Iknow it will go away. I sit in the dark on my deck with a coat on and try and relax. Today I feel great just alittle groggy but I am going to the gym to try and work some of it thru.

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          • Sister--- I don't know the dosage. I threw the bottle away today. I took 2 clonopine and 1 clonidine (the blood pressure stuff). I started with just the clonopin but it did nothing. It was the combination. he gave me togan suppositories for the diarehea and the rest was just cold wash clothson my face and drink drink drink. being diabetic i had to cut the gatorade in half with water, or OJ cut with water. Let me know when you are ready to do it. i want to know how you do. thats what this whole blog is about isn't it.

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            • Originally posted by walck View Post
              Sister--- I don't know the dosage. I threw the bottle away today. I took 2 clonopine and 1 clonidine (the blood pressure stuff). I started with just the clonopin but it did nothing. It was the combination. he gave me togan suppositories for the diarehea and the rest was just cold wash clothson my face and drink drink drink. being diabetic i had to cut the gatorade in half with water, or OJ cut with water. Let me know when you are ready to do it. i want to know how you do. thats what this whole blog is about isn't it.



              Carol ... only thing I want to mention here is that you need to know how much of these drugs you are taking. You don't want to take clonidine just however you feel that you need it. It's a blood pressure pill and you can only take so much of that medication or it becomes dangerous. And adding unknown amounts of klonopin to the clonidine is risky. Depending on what dose you are taking of these meds you could put yourself to sleep permanently if you don't take them carefully. Please use caution with what you are doing. God bless.

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              • Robert-threw those drugs away!!!!! Today I went on a bus trip to Annapolis Naval Academy and had such a great day. Have not felt this good in about 8 months. So so normal. No complaints at all. I know i was taking a chance with the over medicating which is why I just threw them out and now have no idea of the dose for sisterwin. I know I took 1 clonopin in the am and 2 at nite and the clonidine (blood pressure) I took one am and 1 pm. The key to this SISTERWIN is dealing with a doctor who knows about withdraw!!!!!

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                • Originally posted by walck View Post
                  Robert-threw those drugs away!!!!! Today I went on a bus trip to Annapolis Naval Academy and had such a great day. Have not felt this good in about 8 months. So so normal. No complaints at all. I know i was taking a chance with the over medicating which is why I just threw them out and now have no idea of the dose for sisterwin. I know I took 1 clonopin in the am and 2 at nite and the clonidine (blood pressure) I took one am and 1 pm. The key to this SISTERWIN is dealing with a doctor who knows about withdraw!!!!!



                  That is really good news Carol. Glad you threw them away. But I'm REALLY glad that you have turned the corner with getting better. You have had such a difficult time with all this. I am happy for you. Don't worry about sister. She is a big girl and knows what she has to do. You take care. God bless.

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                  • Days Later

                    Originally posted by walck View Post
                    Was addicted to oxycontin after surgery. went on Suboxone for 3 months but did not like it and wanted to get off. I was never a drug user which helps because I never have or had cravings. Tapered to .5 suboxone and jumped on Friday. Saturday was fine, Sunday started feeling badly, Monday was a terrible day. dr. gave me clonipin AND clonidine together and told me to take immodium get in bed and drink drink drink which I did. It is Wednesday afternoon and I am feeling so much better. Little queasy and still diarehea but eating soup only. Seriously by the weekend I will be fine and next weekend I think back to normal and i do not expect to have any PAWS. NOT everyone does. It has a lot to do w ith how much you are taking and how long you have been on it. For those of you who havenot been on itlong, get your doctor to taper you down to .5 and jump. I stayed at .5 for a month before I jumped. I am so excited to finally be clean. My surgeries were in March and April and I was in bed for months. Yeah!

                    So I have been clean for 4 days and feel great. Seriously back to my old self. I will admit to having some strange feelings at night. I am sensing they are cravings from my brain. I have never experienced such a thing, not being a habitual user prior to my surgery. The feeling is strange and I have been maybe slightly tempted to take a percocet but I really have no pain and no need. I promised myself after this experience that I would have to be 1 step away from calling 911 for pain before I would take another narcotic, because ibuprophen really does help my pain. I will be strong and I am sure this too shall pass. I never did get the whole brain addiction thing or the increase in receptors but I am definately feeling something I am not comfortable with so beware everyone, jumping off is great but staying straight is harder than I thought. I always said losing weight was way easier than keeping it off. Same idea. And seriously, for my back pain I always had percocet in the house but would NEVER take it until I was crying in pain, maybe 30-40 a year. So I try to get a lot of sleep to recharge and know tomorrow will be easier.

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                    • Originally posted by walck View Post
                      So I have been clean for 4 days and feel great. Seriously back to my old self. I will admit to having some strange feelings at night. I am sensing they are cravings from my brain. I have never experienced such a thing, not being a habitual user prior to my surgery. The feeling is strange and I have been maybe slightly tempted to take a percocet but I really have no pain and no need. I promised myself after this experience that I would have to be 1 step away from calling 911 for pain before I would take another narcotic, because ibuprophen really does help my pain. I will be strong and I am sure this too shall pass. I never did get the whole brain addiction thing or the increase in receptors but I am definately feeling something I am not comfortable with so beware everyone, jumping off is great but staying straight is harder than I thought. I always said losing weight was way easier than keeping it off. Same idea. And seriously, for my back pain I always had percocet in the house but would NEVER take it until I was crying in pain, maybe 30-40 a year. So I try to get a lot of sleep to recharge and know tomorrow will be easier.



                      The cravings and mind games are what makes this hard after we get clean. Just don't use no matter what. It will get a little better each day. God bless.

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                      • As always. thanks Robert for your encouragement. It is almost 3 in the morning and I have given up for the night. I will go into the living room and watch episodes of Mad Men and Californication On Demand that I missed and grab a nap sometime tomorrow. I will be leaving for Florida Monday and will not have any drugs with me! They are locked in a safe with a key as my husband certainly has the POTENTIAL to be an abuser if we let him, fortunateky all our doctors know that and don't give him any. My idea at the moment is to give the key to my neighbor for awhile. She knows the whole story. And then it won't be an issue. I will probably talk to you before I leave on Monday. The trip will be stressful a stressful one for me but an obligation I can't refuse.

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                        • Carol

                          It's almost 5 this morning. Don't feel like the lone ranger on the sleep thing. I still don't have my sleep regulated even after all the time I have been clean. I don't think I ever will. It's something I have had to learn to live with.

                          It's smart to keep the medication put up if that is what it takes. I couldn't have them on the premesis myself but whatever works for you is okay. At least you have your friend participating in your recovery with you. That is good. Take care and God bless.

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                          • Robert- i hate the long nights. Not really any sleep all night. I go nites like that but i don't feel tired in the day. You would think I would be exhausted. I always feel so wired. I took the dog out at 6 for a walk. We love the cold weather. I realized that I am not happy! I used to be happy back when I guess I was working full time and feeling very important. I always had important well paying jobs and i think I was my job and now that i am on disability because of the depressive episodes being stonger and longer I feel like nobody. Been in therapy for years. Not really cutting it lately. I had a thought about going to a real and true practicing healer but after reading the book, I am not sure i can give my whole self up to them. Ik now I would resist internally unless it was someone I knew already and trusted. With therapy you can tell just as much as you want. But true healers I found thru research can tell what is going on with you. I am not sure I want to know. I am so confused lately. I thought my back surgery would change my life. I can walk which is a big change but it did not change my life. I want someone to tell me how to get happy again. i am 59 and thinking "Is this all there is". All my friends were tied into my jobs and now it is just me and the husband and he still works AND has a wonderful and fun side business he has done for many years. he photographs celebrities in NY and Atlantic City at premieres, charity events, balls, etc and he has an agent that only sells to the media. So many of his pictures are printed in mags and rags all over the world and he makes a nice peice of change for himself with that money. He has hundreds of his photos all over the walls in his office. I have no fun things to do. And I can't seem to force myself back to the gym. Am I just trying to rush it?

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                            • Carol

                              Gosh Carol ... I think we are getting a little out of my league here now. I am definitely not a therapist. I can only speak in generalities about the things you are asking about.

                              I can relate to what you say about not feeling like you have constructive and positive things happening in your life. That happens to lots of people when they retire for whatever reason. I know that when I retired it was a real challenge for me too. I would wake up and not have any direction in my life. I was used to running companies, being on the board of directors, hiring and training sales people, developing new marketing plans, and then suddenly I had nothing to do. I would stay up until 4:00 in the morning and would still wake up early. That was when I started having more serious sleeping problems.

                              When we retire we have got to find something new to occupy our time or we are lost. You need a hobby, perhaps some volunteer work, something to make you feel like you are accomplishing something. It's obvious that this would lead into a state of depression if it isn't dealt with properly. Physical activity like the gym always helps to get our endorphine production going fast. That usually helps us to feel better. I don't really know anything about healers or what they might offer you. I can't make any intelligent suggestions about that whatsoever.

                              I don't really know what else to say about this. You need to do some soul searching and decide what you want. You're too young to hit the rocking chair. I know you don't want to do that. Put some thought into this. What have you always wanted to do? You're fortunate in that you are able financially to do something that you have always wanted to do. You've just got to figure out what that is. God bless.

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                              • sorry to start the ball rolling again re: suboxone, but i just found this forum. i have some observations that i'd like some help with. short bio: i was a sober alcoholic for 10 yrs. and celebrated the milestone by drinking a draft beer :-). sounds like a bad joke, but i actually did it. of course if was going to be a temporary reward and of course i was going to be able to handle it, blah, blah, blah. about the time i was ready to stop drinking my nightly 6 pack my mother was diagnosed w/ brain cancer. so i medicated my sadness and stress of taking care of her the last 10 months. 2 years go by while i grieve my mother's death by of drinking more and more until i decide i have to stop drinking. in the mean time i have a couple of minor surgeries and what does the doc give me? yeah, percocet! i stopped drinking alright by getting hooked on hydrocodone. i was able to get it over the internet by the boat load. i sink into a horrible depression and recognize that i have to stop the pills. i make a couple of attempts to withdraw cold turkey at the height of my addiction which was 450 mg of hydros a day. i saved my liver by having them compounded at 15/80 hydro/tylenol, yeah you can get just about anything over the net if you search hard enough.....and i did. sorry for the long diatribe, but maybe somebody out there might find my path of self destruction interesting and possibly avoid the same pitfalls. i would stop drinking, (now i'm up to about a half liter of vodka a day minimum) to help the w/d symptoms from the pills. then i'd repeat the process over a period of several years. all the while i lost my mom, my job, my self esteem, yada, yada. now i'm clinically depressed and i'm diagnosed with stage lll prostate cancer. the only hope i have to buy some time is by having a radical prostatectomy. i was only 51 at the time so this was really hit me hard. there's no way i'm having major surgery w/o pain killers so now i'm on morphine and rapidly going down hill with my addiction and depression. this is around 2006 when i read on the net about some drug called subutex. here's the ironic part, as easy as it was to find and get supplied with hydros it took me almost a year to find a doctor near enough to me that had the suboxone certification. btw, i lost my insurance and couldn't afford suboxone treatment, but i couldn't afford the pills anymore either and sure as hell didn't want to go through w/d again. i sold everything i owned and went to a doc that put me on suboxone. once again i apologize for the lengthy bs, but the background kind of helps explain some of my questions. i lost my house and can't work. i can't afford suboxone and need to get off the stuff. i'm taking 12 mg daily. i actually weaned down to stopping all suboxone about a year ago and started having some of the symptoms that are mentioned here. my w/d from suboxone got so uncomfortable that i started taking it again. it's been a year now and about 6 months ago i started to experience sweats. since this was new i assumed that i had been on suboxone so long that tapering down was causing these sweats and if i continued to wean down what other w/d symptoms would be around the bend so i've been hesitant to go much below 12 mg a day. i've been on anti depressants for a long time and i used to get extremely depressed when just the thought of not taking opiates would creep into my mind. i was so miserable that my drugs were my only enjoyment. it seems as though there is a definite psychological component as well as physical addiction to narcotics associated with chemical imbalances. i hate the thought of going inpatient to help get clean. what is the general consensus about inpatient treatment >>. doing this at home with the aid of suboxone?

                                tia

                                ee

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