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On my sub taper and could use advice.

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  • #31
    Harry

    I'm glad you are looking for meetings, you don't have to go to NA, AA would serve the same purpose. Don't give up on meetings, it sounds like you won't.

    The hardest part is staying clean now, it's hard...really hard. But you have to fight everyday until staying clean is your new habit, not using. Think about it like this, put as much effort as you did into getting drugs and getting high into staying clean. You can't ever get complacent but as you out clean days behind you it does get easier to dismiss those thoughts of using. Right now you're remembering the fun parts of drugs. You have to think about the bad. How exhausting it is to be a slave to a pill, how it takes your life over and you can't ever plan anything. You can't go on vacation, you can't just go out on the spur of the moment, you have no emotions...you get the idea. Focus on that, because the fun high lasts a few hours and then what? Would it be worth it?

    You have done really well, keep plugging along. You would be really mad at yourself if all this work was for nothing.

    The feelings you are having are likely due to feeling emotions for the first time in a really long time. Drugs numb you, once you stop covering up your emotions it can be overwhelming. It's ok to be scared, it's pretty common. I would spend hours thinking about what would happen if I ever needed surgery. I would get so upset I would almost cry. Clearly that's an overreaction, I still don't want to ever need pain meds, but if I do I know how I will handle it.

    Take it day by day, or if you have to hour by hour. Focus on the positives of being clean and how you have nothing holding you back from accomplishing anything you want.

    Keep posting here, hopefully Ruth will see your last message and pop in and give you some guidance.

    Take care Harry

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    • #32
      Thank you Steph, this is exactly what I needed to hear.

      Comment


      • #33
        I think that's one of the biggest hurdles, getting to the point where you want to be clean more than anything. If you want it more than anything you will succeed. As you said, it has to be your priority, it can't be an after thought.

        It's hard and you will have bad days or days that challenge you. You need to be prepared for those days, what will you do when you have a very stressful day? Have a plan and stick to it because it's easy to slip when you are weak. When I think of pills I immediately think about what a detox feels like and how I just can't go through that again.

        Alex gave you a great idea, think about not using today. Get up each morning and say ok, I'm not using today - no matter what. Before you know it you have strung 24 days together.

        Keep going to those meetings and keep posting here! You both are doing great. And yes, it's nice to have your thread as a reminder of how far you have come. I go back and read mine sometimes.

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        • #34
          What the...a whole bunch of posts on my thread are missing??? The last 5 or so I think

          Is this some sort of glitch you guys have experienced before? Or did the mods delete them? Did I post something I shouldn't have?

          I'm confused......

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Harry Spotter View Post
            What the...a whole bunch of posts on my thread are missing??? The last 5 or so I think

            Is this some sort of glitch you guys have experienced before? Or did the mods delete them? Did I post something I shouldn't have?

            I'm confused......
            Harry I posted to you earlier about 2 or 3 hours ago and its not here now. Don't know whats going on but this stuff happens every once in awhile. I don't know whats going on but hope it was just some sort of glitch.

            Alex

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            • #36
              I notice the post you made about the person texting you are gone Harry. I did not see anything wrong about what you had posted or what I posted back to you either. Anyway nice job on what you did recently and hope this doesn't get removed

              Alex

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              • #37
                I bleed into these posts and to see them removed without an indication as to why stings a bit. I just don't see how I violated any rules. Anyone know where I can find the forum rules so this doesn't happen again?

                Anywho I am down to .6 and so far so good. Mornings get a little rough and it takes me a while to get going but it's nothing I cannot handle. I haven't had any cravings for the last few days. It's pretty incredible and strange at the same time. I don't fantasize about getting high like I used to and feel much better about myself overall. It's kind of scary how well my taper is going now. When I first started the taper it was tough, real tough, but is kept at it and after about 10 days or so I started feeling better each day. I keep expecting something terrible to happen soon...like this is too easy. I mean sure my energy is low and I still experience mood swings but it pales in comparison to the pain and depression I felt while using. I don't want to get cocky though.

                Tomorrow or the day after I will drop to .5. Life is a strange thing huh? Before I started this taper I thought there was no way I would be able to finish it. But now that I'm actually doing it, it's become normal. I actually like being sober. I like being clear headed. I like having money in the bank. I like myself.

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                • #38
                  Thank you for stopping in my thread and what you said Harry !

                  Know I am rooting for you also and have been since your first post . You are doing well . Isn't having feelings again good ? Keep up the good work and be well .

                  Peace

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Harry Spotter View Post
                    I bleed into these posts and to see them removed without an indication as to why stings a bit. I just don't see how I violated any rules. Anyone know where I can find the forum rules so this doesn't happen again?

                    Anywho I am down to .6 and so far so good. Mornings get a little rough and it takes me a while to get going but it's nothing I cannot handle. I haven't had any cravings for the last few days. It's pretty incredible and strange at the same time. I don't fantasize about getting high like I used to and feel much better about myself overall. It's kind of scary how well my taper is going now. When I first started the taper it was tough, real tough, but is kept at it and after about 10 days or so I started feeling better each day. I keep expecting something terrible to happen soon...like this is too easy. I mean sure my energy is low and I still experience mood swings but it pales in comparison to the pain and depression I felt while using. I don't want to get cocky though.

                    Tomorrow or the day after I will drop to .5. Life is a strange thing huh? Before I started this taper I thought there was no way I would be able to finish it. But now that I'm actually doing it, it's become normal. I actually like being sober. I like being clear headed. I like having money in the bank. I like myself.
                    Good to see the taper is going well Harry. I found out I liked myself better once I got clean and the fog lifted. The extra money is rather nice to lol. Keep up the good job .

                    Alex

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                    • #40
                      Hi everyone

                      Today I am on my 3rd day of .5 mg subs. It is also exactly 30 days since I used Roxie's!!! It really is strange, it feels like I have been on subs forever now but if I think about, it's only been 30 days since I got high.

                      Overall I feel pretty ok. The crazy insane up and down swings are just a memory now, not a distant memory but just a memory - I know I will have to remind myself of them when cravings hit. My energy level sucks, I get very exhausted without even doing strenuous activity. A walk up and down the stairs and I need a breather but I'm not complaining. Mornings are rough but once I get my day going I feel decent. One weird thing I noticed though is that my patience is shorter these days, almost like I'm cranky. When I was using I was extremely laid back and just go with the flow type but I find myself impatient and pretty combative with others. I'm much more vocal about my opinion. Can't tell if it's a good thing or bad thing yet.

                      I really can't believe I'm doing what I'm doing. 30 days isn't much but I consider it huge progress. Sure I wish I would have done this sooner but maybe I wouldn't have been able to without going through what I went through. I don't think I would have made it this far without the help of some of you guys - you guys know who you are.

                      I think I'm going to taper down to .375 then .25 then start skipping days. I get butterflies in my stomache just thinking about that prospect. A combination of excitement and fear - I'm not sure which outweighs which right now but I'm marching forward.

                      Spot

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                      • #41
                        I can relate 100%. I am such a cranky beast lately. In fact, I've felt that way for a long time, even when abusing pills. The only exception was when I was high as a kite, then I was happy go lucky. Now we have to go through this whirlwind of emotions. It's really hard sometimes.

                        I have moments of hope where I know it's gonna be ok, but then there are moments when I feel like I'll never be normal again. Just gotta be patient and stay the course to reap the benefits.

                        You are doing so well! You're so close to the end and should be very proud. I'm rooting for you!

                        Hope you have a nice Sunday.
                        Katherine

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                        • #42
                          Harry

                          Check out Lincoln's thread, Ruth posted about what opiates do to your brain and emotions. I think the info might be helpful for you. What you are feeling is likely the result of all the opiates blocking your normal emotions for so long. It does get better with time. You haven't really felt or dealt with emotions while you were using, now you have to adjust to what life is like without them.

                          How are you doing today? I hope you have a good weekend.

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                          • #43
                            Thank you everyone for the encouragement. Thanks Steph I read what Ruth posted and I'm glad I did.

                            I am down to .375 and I'm getting really anxious to jump off soon. Like Ruth said even while using tiny doses of subs my brain won't be able to heal fully and I'm so eager to start the real healing process. My energy is sooooooooo low these days.

                            Steph, Alex or anyone else who has done this taper and has clean time, do you start feeling better once you jump off? I'm starting to freak myself out by thinking in going to feel like this forever now. Is this .375 even doing anything?

                            Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Yes Harry .375 is doing something even though im sure your thinking how can that small of a dose even matter. You mention feeling a combination of fear and excitement both and I remember having those same feelings. You posted 30 days isn't much but Harry I have to disagree with you there buddy. Even though you are using suboxone as a tool to get clean and its an opiate its different then using roxi 30s. You said in your first post that you had been using roxis for 3 years so going 30 days without to me is huge on your part Harry. I don't know if your using any supplements while your tapering Harry but theres a couple things that might help you out with the low energy. While I was tapering I did the following a multivitamin multimineral supplement a balanced b-100 complex potassium and this is the one thing that lots of people use for energy, L-Tyrosine 500mg with vitamin b6 in it. The L-tyrosine has to have b6 with it to work and its best to take it on an empty stomach. Some people say it makes them jittery but it depends on the person. Some people take 2000 mg a day of it. I usually took either 500mg or 1000 mg a day. Myself I had lack of motivation to get going and also some lack of energy also but im 58 so that could have some part of that also. Your body is still adjusting Harry to long term opiate use so don't worry your not going to feel like this forever. Will talk with you later.

                              Alex

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                              • #45
                                Harry

                                I'm 44 & 11 months (LOL) and I have days where I'm really tired and I have no motivation, but for the most part I feel normal. I actually think having an off day is normal. No one feels good 100% of the time! maybe if you're 20. In any case it does get better, it just takes time. You have to be patient and kind to yourself, drugs do a lot of damage and it takes time to heal. You didn't get to this place overnight, you won't heal overnight either.

                                I didn't use any supplements or vitamins but that's because I have a thyroid condition and my endo doc has always advisd me to steer clear of supplements unless I run it by him.

                                We all overthink the jump, it's because we have all been through so many c/t that it's scary to anticipate that kind of discomfort. But it really shouldn't be that bad. I was very tired and had very little motivation the first week. I was glad I was going to work, it distracted me and took my mind off the jump. I think if you stay busy it's better, otherwise you can talk yourself into anything. If you are busy the time flies by and you don't think about what you "should" be feeling or what you "probably" will feel. And I didn't miss a single day of work, I had some trouble getting going, showering was a little daunting. But I felt 100% after I got moving.

                                Try not to overthink, just trust the process. You're doing great.

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