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  • #76
    Michele if you are currently taking 4.5 mg a day then your next drop of 25% would be to 3.375. To make it easier I would just round it up to 3.5. That would be a drop of 22% which would be fine to drop to. You asked if I ever have urges or desires to use and I do have thoughts of using come up now and then. This past winter I had 2 months of hardly working many hours and I was really bored a lot of the time. Boredom has never sat well with me so I would have little daydreams about using. Insane thoughts of I could use just 1 or 2 days then stop again. But i always come back to reality and know if i take 1 pill then its off to the races. Might not happen right away but eventually it will come back and bite me in the rear end. I am an addict and will be till the day i die. But i am ok with that fact. As long as i am a recovering addict and not an active one i am fine. If you tell me i can never use any kind of substance for the rest of my life i do not like the thought of that. If you tell me i cant use today i am fine with that. I know theres a pill and a drink out there with my name on it and it wants me to pick it up. But today i am leaving it out there to sit and wait for me. Might sound sort of stupid but its what works for me. Keep up the good job you are doing right now and i will talk to you later.

    Alex

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    • #77
      Alex thanks for your help with the math on the drop im not very good at that. I think i will stay at 4.5 for 2 more days and then on sat make my jump to 3.5. I dont think what your saying sounds silly at all actually it sounds like a great way of thinking. Just like you said boredom has you start thinking abt using and that the same for me. I dont have a job right now and both my kids are in school all day. so i really dont have much do to during the day and thats why i was focused on using. It occupied so much of my time, and honestly now i am happy to have the spare time to take care of things i ignored. Sitting here now i have a urge to pop a few.. but i realize how much happier i have been this month than in the past 1.5 yr of using.
      i hope i can stay with the sub tapper and not do myself any harm because i want this so bad.
      thanks
      michele

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      • #78
        Kat
        Just checking in i havent heard from you in few days . Hope your feeling good!
        ttyl
        michele

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        • #79
          Originally posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
          Kat
          Just checking in i havent heard from you in few days . Hope your feeling good!
          ttyl
          michele
          Hey hun...
          Sorry for not posting on your thread the last couple days. Things have been really busy with work and everything else. Today was awful. Our sweet kitty, that we had for 11 years, died today. She's the second kitty we lost within 1 year. Hubby and I are big time animal lovers so, needless to say, we're extremely sad. It happened late this afternoon. I was gonna vent about it on my thread. I'll probably post about it tomorrow instead because I don't wanna start crying again.

          I know that lots of people don't really understand how the loss of a pet could bring such sorrow. But she was part of our family, just like our precious Sophia that died last June.

          Anyway, sorry for the downer post. I hope you're well. Talk soon...
          Kat

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          • #80
            Originally posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
            Hey hun...
            Sorry for not posting on your thread the last couple days. Things have been really busy with work and everything else. Today was awful. Our sweet kitty, that we had for 11 years, died today. She's the second kitty we lost within 1 year. Hubby and I are big time animal lovers so, needless to say, we're extremely sad. It happened late this afternoon. I was gonna vent about it on my thread. I'll probably post about it tomorrow instead because I don't wanna start crying again.

            I know that lots of people don't really understand how the loss of a pet could bring such sorrow. But she was part of our family, just like our precious Sophia that died last June.

            Anyway, sorry for the downer post. I hope you're well. Talk soon...
            Kat
            I am so sorry for your loss....that is terrible!
            I am sure losing a animal is very hard and emotional...hope your son isn't too attached to her.
            Hope your feeling a bit better today and just think of how amazing and far you have come.
            i feel bad i cant give you much advice since i never had a animal or went thru anything like this.

            Hope your doing a little better today and thanks for helping john doses.
            have a good day and stay strong!
            michele

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            • #81
              hey all i haven't posted since thurs... everything is great im feel amazing. i ran out of 2 mg subs so back to the 8mg ones and trying to cut them, which isnt easy. i was taking 4.5 mg for past week but yesterday i took 4mg is that a prob if i stay there for a few days? i think i want to ask my doc for the strips this way measuring wont be such a issue. kids home today...school over for summer break and camp doesnt start till mon.
              kat how are you doing?
              alex hope you had a nice weekend.
              ttyl
              michele

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              • #82
                Hey Michele,

                Good to hear that you're doing well! If you were stable at 4.5 mg, the next drop would technically be to 3.375 mg. However, most people round up and go to 3.5 mg because it's easier to cut/crush. If you'd rather go to 4 mg for the sake of easy measuring, just keep in mind that it's less than a 10% drop. Definitely see if you can get the strips since you don't seem to be a big fan of crushing..lol.

                It's late, gotta get my butt to bed. Talk soon.
                Kat

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                • #83
                  Hey so I know my drop to 4 mg wasn't a big one but I can't stand cutting these pills. I've been out of the 2mg since fir and I'm cutting the 8mg ones now. My sub doc actually called today bc haven't been there in 2 weeks. It's been hectic here and my kids are off this week. I'll go fir and ask for strips. Lately been having terrible RLS, does it ever go away? Other than that I'm pretty good, having cravings here and there but in my head there are no options of using. This past month has been so awakening for me. I have been productive and the happiest I have been in a long time.
                  Good night

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                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
                    Hey so I know my drop to 4 mg wasn't a big one but I can't stand cutting these pills. I've been out of the 2mg since fir and I'm cutting the 8mg ones now. My sub doc actually called today bc haven't been there in 2 weeks. It's been hectic here and my kids are off this week. I'll go fir and ask for strips. Lately been having terrible RLS, does it ever go away? Other than that I'm pretty good, having cravings here and there but in my head there are no options of using. This past month has been so awakening for me. I have been productive and the happiest I have been in a long time.
                    Good night
                    Good luck to you on getting the strips to help you out with your reductions Michele. Either that or getting 2 mg pills to work with. I was lucky I guess and never had RLS myself but I know there is something that I have seen a lot of people recommend for RLS and I think its called Hylands Restful Legs or something close to that. Also getting extra potassium is supposed to be helpful with RLS. Best wishes to you in getting some relief from your RLS and I will talk to you later.

                    Alex

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                    • #85
                      Originally posted by alexnt View Post
                      Good luck to you on getting the strips to help you out with your reductions Michele. Either that or getting 2 mg pills to work with. I was lucky I guess and never had RLS myself but I know there is something that I have seen a lot of people recommend for RLS and I think its called Hylands Restful Legs or something close to that. Also getting extra potassium is supposed to be helpful with RLS. Best wishes to you in getting some relief from your RLS and I will talk to you later.

                      Alex
                      Alex i will try to find some of that hylands restful leg stuff today. I dont get how abusing oxy causes RLS.
                      Things are going really well, but i was wondering since i only made a 10% drop this time will that affect my sub tapper? Do the drops have to be 25%? Hope i don't have a harder time getting off subs because i didnt drop enough.
                      Hope all is well with you.....enjoying your summer?
                      ttyl
                      michele

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
                        Alex i will try to find some of that hylands restful leg stuff today. I dont get how abusing oxy causes RLS.
                        Things are going really well, but i was wondering since i only made a 10% drop this time will that affect my sub tapper? Do the drops have to be 25%? Hope i don't have a harder time getting off subs because i didnt drop enough.
                        Hope all is well with you.....enjoying your summer?
                        ttyl
                        michele
                        Michele you do not have to drop 25% but I would try to drop close to that amount. The reason being is the less amount of time spent on subs the easier it is to jump off of it. dropping only 10% this time should not affect your taper at all. You asked if I was enjoying my summer. Yes and no because it means in my line of work I have to work 6 days a week and work extra hours. But I hate cold weather so I am enjoying the warm weather. Talk with you later.

                        Alex

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                        • #87
                          Hey all wanted to stop in and say im doing ok. Yesterday i went to see my sub doc and boy is he a tough man. I had my 2 kids with me and he was mad that he hasn't seen me in 2 weeks. I had to pay 200 for this month and he only wrote me 14 2mg subs. He's really not a nice guy, he was badgering me for not going to therapy and its very difficult for me to go when i have my kids all day. Camp starts mon so i will defiantly make a effort to start going. Other than me feeling my heart beat and my pulse at all times i feel good. Its wierd i feel in my head my pulse and its causing me blurry vision, i think i gotta go to a neurologist for this one. Hope everyone is doing well... Kat hope everyone is feeling better.
                          ttyl

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                          • #88
                            Originally posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
                            Hey all wanted to stop in and say im doing ok. Yesterday i went to see my sub doc and boy is he a tough man. I had my 2 kids with me and he was mad that he hasn't seen me in 2 weeks. I had to pay 200 for this month and he only wrote me 14 2mg subs. He's really not a nice guy, he was badgering me for not going to therapy and its very difficult for me to go when i have my kids all day. Camp starts mon so i will defiantly make a effort to start going. Other than me feeling my heart beat and my pulse at all times i feel good. Its wierd i feel in my head my pulse and its causing me blurry vision, i think i gotta go to a neurologist for this one. Hope everyone is doing well... Kat hope everyone is feeling better.
                            ttyl
                            How often does your doc require you to see him? Do you pay every time? If he's anything like the majority of sub docs, he's just in it for the money. If it were me, I wouldn't mention tapering any lower. As soon as you have enough sub to finish your taper, there's no need to go back. My sub doc would have gladly kept me on sub until the day I died.

                            Sorry to hear about the pulse issue and blurry vision. Get that checked out!

                            No, things aren't any better health-wise with my parents and in law's. It's a difficult situation. Well, I'm beat. Headed off to bed. Hope you're having a nice weekend.

                            Kat

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                            • #89
                              Originally posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
                              How often does your doc require you to see him? Do you pay every time? If he's anything like the majority of sub docs, he's just in it for the money. If it were me, I wouldn't mention tapering any lower. As soon as you have enough sub to finish your taper, there's no need to go back. My sub doc would have gladly kept me on sub until the day I died.

                              Sorry to hear about the pulse issue and blurry vision. Get that checked out!

                              No, things aren't any better health-wise with my parents and in law's. It's a difficult situation. Well, I'm beat. Headed off to bed. Hope you're having a nice weekend.

                              Kat
                              Kat now i know why your not around here as much these days, praying for your family. its not easy growing up and being in the real world dealing with real life. But look on the bright side your doing amazing with your taper..your almost at .25, wow thats amazing!

                              My sub doc i pay monthly, so at least that makes me feel a little better, your right i wont tell him about my tapper and try to get enough. The only thing i am afraid of is that he will get upset that im done with him and maybe i put my husband on the contact info and he will call him and rat on me.

                              Kat do you ever have cravings? My dealer was legit stalking me...yesterday i finally texted him, im done with those...he wrote back ok. Im sure he's majorly bummed out and i couldnt be more thrilled.
                              i cant believe how i can finally sleep through the night. Kat when you were on 4 mg were you much more tired than you are now. Because i know you take melatonin to fall asleep, i'm nervous as i get my dose down ill have difficulty sleeping.
                              Gotta start my workout....busy day with the kiddies and tomm first day of camp...kids out from 8:15 till 4:45..yay!!!

                              Have a great day all

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Hi There,

                                I read your posts all over the place and you have so much to add here and I'm so glad you continue to be so active. I'm not sure if I have posted directly to you so if I have not, I apologize but I have read your thread and do know your story, or what you've shared. You, my friend are doing amazingly well!!

                                I also wanted to make mention of Dami, her circumstance and where she may be right now and how that is affecting you. When I first joined this Forum, I, just like most of us, had those we closely followed. They were in our corner and I counted on them and hoped they counted on me. I was on this Forum continuously in my earlier clean days...on and off all day, all night (Marianne! lol--just talking about that song at work on Friday). When someone would appear and post and sounded so desperate my heart would hurt. I'd post to them and some of them would never appear again. Others would be here for a few days, a week, a few weeks and disappear into the cyber world. I quite literally would lose sleep over thinking about where they were and if they were OK. So, I get how you feel about Dami.

                                Iwantto, my heart too hurts for Dami and I so wish her well but folks come and go. While they are here, there are those of you who unselfishly provide your time, support and heart to them. You begin to personally care about them and worry about them. For Dami, and so many others disappearing, perhaps relapsing--it's all a part of recovery. What we pray for Dami now is that she is hanging on in one way or another. Either way, we all hope she comes back here regardless of what is happening right now in her life and we will be there again.

                                Dami is in a really tough spot. It is going to Herculean effort to get out of things. I don't know what the answer is for her. I can't imagine having to deal with her life AND get clean and stay that way at the moment. Where does she start to reassemble her life? I don't know and I don't think she does either. I have followed her thread and may have posted once early on but I'm not sure. Of course, I have absolutely no way of knowing what's going on with Dami, I do recognize the defeat in her posts. I have been there many, many times. That overwhelming feeling of my life being so messed up resulted in a quick relapse. Newly clean, it's difficult to deal with the small problems in our lives, let alone what she's got going on. That's where we need face time for support. Someone or some place to check on her if she's MIA. Unfortunately, we here can't do that.

                                Once we get some clean time (easier said than done) we begin to be all growed up again. The pile of >>>> we created while abusing is still there waiting for us. We can't rent a bull dozer to clean it up so we begin with a shovel and begin to pick away at the things we are strong enough to handle. It takes time but eventually we begin to see a dent in the pile.

                                With Dami, there were/are so many flags. She has been given so much good advice but each and every time has a reason why she can't follow it. I don't recall that she ever said "I'll try". I am not judging or criticizing her, mind you. I just know that place because I've been there so often. I MADE myself such the victim that it was hopeless and never having been that way pre-addiction I hated it but found it so much easier at the same time.

                                I, too hope that Dami finds strength and gets on track. My prayer for today. You are a good person, Iwantto.

                                Peace,

                                Cat

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