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Making the plan :) please help me

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  • #16

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    • #17
      Originally posted by J_addict View Post
      Hi guys I'm frigin struggling ������ I need support
      Hey Jenn - What seems to be the problem? Are you still on the 12mg dose? Give ua a bit more info and how we can help?

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      • #18
        I did do the 12mg for a few days then went back to taking it however bought more then I needed. I don't wanna keep doing this- I know it's mental and I have to get over the hump . I felt like I did good for a few days on the 12 then of course the person I buy extra from called and I got them. Ugh

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        • #19
          Jenn,

          I saw the new thread you started this morning. Stick to this thread - it will be much easier for us to find you and follow up. More than one thread gets confusing.

          I have an appt this morning but will check back when I get home. All I can say for now is you have to really WANT this. You have to put forth the effort. Eliminate the "other source" be any means necessary.

          Talk to you soon.
          Kat

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          • #20
            Originally posted by J_addict View Post
            I did do the 12mg for a few days then went back to taking it however bought more then I needed. I don't wanna keep doing this- I know it's mental and I have to get over the hump . I felt like I did good for a few days on the 12 then of course the person I buy extra from called and I got them. Ugh
            Jenn - You have to make a BIG decision.
            Either continue to ABUSE the subs and waste HUGE amounts of money OR
            Change your entire outlook on life and do the right thing.

            You've been on subs for 7 years you said - this has to STOP!!!

            You run out early of your prescribed dose of 12mg every month and then buy extras. WOW!

            You said you wanted to be a mother, but didn't want to be on subs doing it. You know what you have to do. Taking 16 - 30mg of subs UNNECESSARILY a day is ridiculous. You are building a TOLERANCE to a powerful drug so high it's unbelievable. This has to stop Jenn.

            Make a stand NOW! TODAY!!! Do it for YOU first, and your family second. Have to get your thinking straight girl. Have to want it more than anything else. Get rid of ALL contacts to more subs. Tell your contact to NEVER sell you subs again. Delete all numbers to dealers. Stay on 12 per day ONLY until your thinking changes. But not too long. NO EXTRA SUBS A DAY!!!

            You have so much sub built up in your system it's crazy! Have to change things.

            Remain on 12mg per day for a few days then reduce by 25%. You have to get your dose down. There is NO reason for being where you are. Do this thing for YOU Jenn. Here to help.
            Last edited by Anonymous; 10-15-2014, 11:35 AM.

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            • #21
              That's great! I'm glad to hear of your plan. I'm also a nurse and former high school drop out. I'm not currently working bc I know I can't, Dr said no to working as a RN currently too. You can do this! I got myself to 4mg in a Few weeks from 16mg! This has been a 5yr battle for me between Rx pills and Rx subs for pain management, but it's doable. I feel fine tapering so tomorrow I go to 3mg for a week. I'd suggest you go by 7days min at each reduction, listen to your body. You know what you can handle and can't! Congratulations on your wedding and wanting to be a mommy! I'm a mommy too, my daughter us almost 9 now! We're all here to support and help you every step of the way and you just made the biggest step of all...taking action and wanting to go off! Be proud if yourself, you can do it! Xoxoxox-R

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              • #22
                Thank you so much- all of you. I do want this but how bad? I mean it is a constant battle in my head daily I want to end this craziness / then my head says but your doing so good lol! I have gotten my life back due to subs because I have not shot dope in 7yrs.- the most aweful if when I take more it does nothing / I'm always chasing something that is not there . It's sad. I need to do this this time - deleting the numbers - keeping a journal and talking to you guys daily. You have no idea how much even the support and encouragement means - because no one knows what I'm doing its my hidden life. But something needs to change - 12mg today that is it- luckily the person I get more from which I would of today can't give me any so I said good ok bye here's the true test if I make it this week on the 12mg I haven't done the full week yet.

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                • #23
                  Jenn, it’s a tremendous step just getting this far in the first place, so you should be proud of that. But...like Randy and others have said, you HAVE to want it. You have to want it more than anything else in life. And it’s likely that it’s not being clean that you want, but the outcome you hope to achieve from it. If you can see the life you can have in your mind’s eye when (not if) all of this is behind you, in fine detail, and that is your ultimate goal in life, then every day you can remind yourself what this sacrifice is for.

                  Whether it’s a better life for your children, a professional aspiration, or whatever, if that desire is more powerful than the pain of wd or the psychological pain of regret from never knowing what could have been, then you will be willing to endure whatever it takes to achieve it. I really wish you the best of luck. I know it’s hard.

                  I look at it like this; winning is a habit, a small victory every day becomes a giant victory in the end. For me, the worst is still yet to come, but I feel like I have the best chance of quitting permanently now than I ever have, just because for the first time in a long time, I know exactly what I want and when I want it and can see myself on the other side, triumphant in the face of overwhelming challenges.

                  Btw, I felt like [email protected] today, but writing this has psyched me up again. So thank you. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that like a lion that doesn't attack an injured prey, it’s the hunt that we should hunger for, the grind, not the meal.

                  I really hope this helps you out.

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                  • #24
                    As addicts, we move on to recovery once we've truly had enough. So, the question is, have you had enough of the secrets, the shame, the guilt, the constant chasing, the sadness, the lies, and feeling like you're just going through the motions of living life rather than actually living it? When the fear of continuing to use outweighs the fear of stopping, that's when you'll know you're really ready to leave that lifestyle behind for good.

                    Stay at 12 mg. That is such a high dose already. If you keep putting more and more Sub in your body, there's gonna be real trouble. Once you're stable at 12 mg, make your first 25% drop.

                    There's one thing that has made my recovery a success so far: AA/NA meetings. I used to scoff at the idea of being involved and having a sponsor, but it has made all the difference in the world. Please consider it.

                    Kat

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                    • #25
                      Mr jones that was awesome I def needed that - thank you. My eye is on the prize which is starting my own new family and I do not want to do that while on subs. I hope that you have a great day as well and I'm grateful my post helped you too!

                      Kat- I am sick of it so sick but the disease is so cunning and powerful that one weak moment and I let it win ! I have to stay strong - hold out- keep moving forward. I do have my husbands support as he is tapering too on his own he only takes 1mg if that and is just scared to make the jump, he's been on lesser than me since day on and he doesn't know I abuse mine or buy extras. Yes sick of the lying too Iam very involed in na and even 'sponsor' others kind of but no one knows I'm on subs so it's very hard

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                      • #26
                        J_addict, I wrote a response to you on my thread that you posted on..just wanted to make sure you see it..
                        ~Kris~

                        Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.

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                        • #27
                          Hi there!
                          We are as sick as our secrets !
                          As long as you keep secrets you will continue to abuse the sub and not work on a taper!
                          The guilt is to strong!
                          Once you know something is wrong like lying to your husband and lying to your sponsees and especially lying to yourself .
                          It is over you can't be dishonest in one part of your life and be honest in another part of your life..
                          Recovery doesn't work that way!

                          I am a RN too..
                          This disease doesn't get easier to recover from once you get your license!

                          It never gets better it may not happen right away but you will have assess to narcotics and if you are still living in the disease you will abuse your position as a nurse,
                          I see it all the time..
                          People say I would never do that!
                          Never say never!

                          I am not trying to make you mad ...I am trying to help you save your life!

                          It is your choice ! Now that you are not strung out and you have options and support, people who have been in your shoes or are in those shoes right now and doing it!
                          There is no excuse!

                          You now know the physiology of the brain there is no way possible to get that first high again!
                          You will never have the amount of dopamine stored in your receptors that you did the first time you got high!
                          But we all chase that high for years!
                          For what?
                          Now you have your whole life ahead of you ..
                          Your profession ....Nursing is the best profession in the world..
                          Your husband your children you want to have!
                          If you are on opiates and have kids never mind the guilt you may have but you will miss the most important things about having kids..
                          The joy, the laughs, the feelings ! They are amazing and your kids will watch you and do as you do.
                          When they see you numb they will think something is wrong with them when they start recognizing the difference in you and them!
                          Because they do laugh and smile and cry and live one day at a time and bring more joy than anything to us!

                          Please just give this taper a go . Do it for a month see how much better you will feel and how proud you will be of yourself..
                          I always say you can always go back .
                          There will always be a sub doctor or dealer around the block..just waiting!

                          This disease is cunning and baffling but don't use that as an excuse!
                          Because you are stronger and more capable than it and you can do it ...if only for today!
                          Those days will add up and you will look back just as we all did and say"what was I so afraid of and why did I wait so long"?
                          Time flies by with or without you!
                          You mize we'll be participating in it instead of looking at it from a distance!

                          Please keep posting!
                          Let us help each other!
                          There are a lot nurses right here to help you go where we have been!
                          Take care!
                          Iluv2

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                          • #28
                            wow, Iluv2 was spot on! Regret has been one of the hardest things I've had to face through my taper. Where would we be if I'd done this a decade ago? Now the question is where will we be a decade from now? You can't go back and erase what you've done, but keep telling yourself "this is my time, my moment!" Set the bar higher than you think you can ever reach.

                            "It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen...I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was." - Muhammad Ali

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                            • #29
                              Hi guys so I been ok these last 2 days. I've only taken the 12mg each day yesterday was kind of tuff I felt like my body was fighting something off? I could of caught something too I don't know. I was sweaty and weak all day and woke up last night soaked with sweat. I slept good though and today I feel much better - I dose at nighttime and it didn't make me feel much better last night so Im thinking I did get sick or something. But today is a brand new day and im keeping my attitude positive I can do this. I'm going to do the whole week on 12mg because my dose hasn't been regular for over 5yrs. If I'm good by next Wednesday im jumping to 8mg .

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                              • #30
                                Good for you Jenn! You can do this. Stay strong and remind yourself that the discomfort and mental stuff is only temporary! You WILL adjust! The only thing I would maybe re-think for you is dropping down to 8mg from 12. Most likely, you wouldn't feel much physically but I think you are a lot like me, and mostly struggle with the mental aspect. Although, I dropped from 16-20 mg down to 8 with no real issues, but I was basically forced to. Since then though, I've had to take baby steps as the bigger drops, even 25%, are a bit too overwhelming. Maybe 9 or 10 mg would be better for you since 8 is more than 25% (9 mg would be an even 25% drop) so you could do 9 or 10mg for a week and then go to 8? I'm sure others will weigh in with their advice but I'd just hate to see you get ahead of yourself and then have that backfire. Remember, if you need to take things one hour at a time...if you feel the urge to take more, put it off for an hour, and then another hour, and so on until the urge passes.
                                ~Kris~

                                Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.

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